pardon me for abandoned this blog for a while. yes it’s more than 3 weeks since i wrote the last post. there’s couple of matters happened, and those aren’t the good ones. so i literally lost my passion for writing. and doing anything. but i forced myself to doing all of my obligations -which feels like chewing a shitload of sand- because world won’t wait until my wound heals.

so here i am, in my lowest point of my life, my quarter-life syndroms, which i can’t explain it precisely, unless you feel it by yourself. feeling insecure in every aspect of my life. so fragile, got nothing to be proud of. when i’m in my teenage, i recall i’d ever felt this way. the time when i can’t had my own will, felt alone, and had to adjust with everything. not to mention it’s an easy way, because the circumstances rarely instantly fit into myself, like it works to everybody. so i’m being used with it, in pain.

then i learn to share my pain, which is a rough way to do. it really is. then i thought i was secure enough. because i just wanted to be happy.

but i don’t even know that i’m not going everywhere. matter of fact, i’m degrading, closer to the edge and almost falling down. why now when i’m in the most fragile phase of my life?

folks said, i’m strong enough, so i should’ve hold on, like I always did.
i’m trying. i really do. but i doubt that, cause i’m so dying now. i’m just a girl, dazed and confused. this time i have problem to recollect my strength. my spirit just fade away. i can’t really put my head over everything. i’m being so lame, such a jerk in my workplace and my social life. i’m paralized. longing for my other half.

So now i bended my knees all over again. Through my day, my night, my every breath. Because only the Almighty can take the lead.

QS. Faatir (35) : 2
“Whatever Allah grants to men of Allah’s mercy, there is none to withhold it, and what Allah’s withholds there is none to send it forth after that, and Allah is the Mighty, the Wise”